If You Knew the Cost of Free Advice in Nigeria, Would You Still Take It? | Let’s Talk Culture

       In Nigeria, culture isn’t just about language, food, or fashion. It’s a belief system that silently shapes how people live, earn, spend, and even dream. From what career you choose to how you handle your money, many of your “personal decisions” were never yours to begin with.

They were cultural instructions—often disguised as advice, but enforced like law.

The result?: many people don’t get to live life on their own terms Because culture, family expectations, religion, and community pressure have created a system that forces people to follow rules they think they agreed to.

Let’s break it down:

1. The Myth of Free Advice: 

In Nigeria, the phrase “Let me advise you” rarely ends with freedom of choice. It’s a command wrapped in concern. The giver is usually an elder, a relative, or a even friend—someone whose experience is supposed to be enough reason for you to follow them blindly.

“Don’t study music; be a lawyer like your uncle.”

The problem? These advisors are often flawed, broke, bitter, or living with regrets—yet they feel entitled to shape your future. And culturally, if you question them, you’re tagged as stubborn, disrespectful, or “too young to understand life.”

2. Decision-Making by Proxy: 

       Many people aren’t living life—they’re living out other people’s fears, projections, or past failures. You’ll find engineers who wanted to be artists. Bankers who dreamt of fashion. Men doing jobs they hate just to make their parents proud. People in bad marriages because “I want to see my grandchildren before I die.”

This is why so many people:

Are in careers they hate(all those angry sales reps, bankers, etc)

And what’s worse? Once these decisions go wrong, the same people who advised you say, “But I only advised you, I didn’t force you.”

3. The Financial Consequences of Cultural Decisions

Most of these decisions have serious financial consequences:

Studying the “wrong course” just to be in school and please your parents can delay your financial breakthrough for years.

Hosting massive weddings or funerals to impress elders burns through savings that could’ve built your future.

Wedding is for a day, marriage is for a lifetime—so think beyond the party

Culture says, “Do this for reputation , pride, respect.”

Reality says, “You just lost years worth of savings and investment.”

4. The Fear of Breaking Out

      Even when people realize they’ve made the wrong decisions, they rarely change course. Why?

Fear of rebellion: “My parents will disown me.”

Fear of failure: “What if I try and it doesn’t work?”

So they stay stuck. Not because they’re lazy or confused, but because breaking cultural norms feels like breaking family ties and in most cases, it is. To show that most people value pride, social status and tradition over being associated with a “black sheep”. Sadly, even if it’s their own kids.

5. The Cost of Obedience: 

   We’ve normalized emotional exhaustion, financial struggle, and confusion as the price of “being respectful.” But the price is too high. And what’s worse? You pay it for life.

The result? A country full of:

Adults doing 9–5s they secretly hate.

6. The Fear of Judgment

   Many Nigerians make life decisions—jobs, marriage, money—not based on what they want, but on what others will say.

You’d rather look rich than build wealth. You stay in jobs you hate or avoid starting small because of shame.

This benefits other people because they get to feel superior while you hide your struggles to save face. And parents because they get rewarded with pride, something to brag about with friends and a higher social status.

7. The Hidden Financial Trap

     When one person in the family succeeds, they’re expected to carry everyone. You can’t build wealth if your entire salary goes into helping others survive.

It benefits them, but you stay broke, stressed, and stuck in a cycle where you can’t grow. These people will choose themselves first which means they won’t feel obligated to reciprocate. And in the end, you end up financing someone else’s dream while yours is still a wish.

8. Shame of Starting Something new

     When you do start something new and different, it is faced with heavy criticism from friends and family, even society.

Everyone expects you to “blow” instantly. And if you don’t you’re mocked, and People will rather stay stuck in what they hate than stray from the traditional path

Society benefits by keeping everyone in line. 

But you lose your shot at something meaningful—all because you were too scared of starting a new journey that might fail.

9. Elder Advice = Final Decision

       In many families, advice from an old person is law—even when it’s wrong. You’re not allowed to question them or make different choices.

But that advice is often outdated and based on their own pride, regrets, not your potential.

It benefits their ego, pride and status but you’re the one who lives with the consequences.

So Why Can’t We Stop?

     Because from a young age, we were taught to obey, not question. And told that doing the latter would bring outrageous, unrealistic consequences.

We fear being called disrespectful. We’re afraid of being disowned or mocked. We think choosing our path means betraying our family or culture.

But here’s the truth: You only get one life. And if you don’t choose it, someone else will choose it for you.

 How To Start Choosing Yourself

      Important life decisions—career, business, marriage, investments—have lifelong impact. You can’t keep handing them over to people who won’t suffer the consequences.

Here’s what that reclaiming looks like:

- Learn to say, “Thank you, but I’ll decide for myself.” or “Thank you, I'll think about it”

- Question advice, even from elders: Respect is not blind obedience.

- Educate yourself on money: Cultural habits won’t build wealth—financial literacy will.

Choose your path, not the one they failed on. Many elders project their missed opportunities onto the young. Don’t carry their regrets. And remember that an advice is still an opinion not an instruction or command.

We are all responsible for the consequences of our actions, as such you should also be responsible for what those actions should be.

Culture Is Meant to Guide, Not Control

Nigeria has beautiful values—community, resilience, hard work—but when culture becomes a cage, it’s time to take the next train to freedom.

If your decisions aren’t yours, your life won’t be either. And if you don’t control your finances, someone else will… and that’s how generational poverty continues.

It’s time to flip the script. Make your own decisions. Build your own future. Let the culture evolve with you—not against you.

These cultures didn’t start with you. But if you don’t break them, they’ll end with you—broke, tired, and full of regret.

It’s not rebellion to choose yourself. It’s survival. And eventually, it’s freedom.

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